Self Care

What does self care look like? I am sure you hear this all the time, specially now with the world in a state of flux. I used to think it was about taking time out for myself, taking a walk, disengaging from social media, drinking water.

Don't get me wrong. These are all fabulous ideas. But self care is more than that. When was the last time:

• you read a book on how to help yourself with an issue

• checked out a therapist

• decided to take a time out to do something fun

• set boundaries for yourself

• had a night of uninterrupted sleep

As women, we do for ourselves last. It's the way we are programmed. We make do with the burnt piece of pizza, take ten minutes for ourselves at 2:00 am, because finally the kids are asleep, and if it's a good day, we actually brush our hair.

I was a young mom. had my first at 21, and by 24, I had three. Three under three. My life consisted of diapers, feeding schedules, naps...theirs, not mine, cooking, cleaning, washing, laundry....if there was time, I might catch a movie at midnight.

I do not regret those days at all. I loved having my kids close together and watching them grow into incredible people. But it did come at a cost to myself. I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest was in school, and even then, my focus was on my kids.

Now, that my kids are adults with kids of their own, I was a little lost. I work full time, and I LOVE my job, but I felt something was off. It was kind of weird not having a kid to look after, or an appointment to make, or an errand to run, or someone to rescue.

It took a long time for me to get past all the stuff of being a mom, because my kids didn't need as much as they used to.

It was a weird transition. And I was not prepared. At all. There was grief for all the things I was missing. And the inevitable, did I do the right thing as a parent. Mom-guilt. Does that ever go away?

Then, the pandemic hit and the world changed. We stayed home. We worked in jammies, and while that was fun and convenient, it soon became overwhelming. I looked in the mirror one day and wondered where I went. My hair was a mess, roots for miles.....and someone suggested lashes. I bought them on impulse. Amazon is my friend.....Holy Cats, I swear I keep them in business.

I put on the lashes and BAM, I LOVED the way I looked. I did nothing else, just those amazing lashes. The next day I did my hair, my makeup, put on some really colourful clothes and I FELT amazing!!!!!

Instantly, I felt lighter, happier, and I had energy! My son asked if I was going out and I said NOPE. I did this for me. I started wearing a little makeup, and the fabulous lashes, and from there, the world changed! I felt like I did when I was in my 20's, except it was almost 4 decades later.

This changed EVERYTHING. I started looking at cosmetics, and nails, and wigs, the beauty industry, and I wrote and created and experimented with looks, and photos.

The mental health increased dramatically. I was excited to look out into the world again.

Then, I started researching different things about mental health and how it works with women. I had a long history of research, science, medicine, writing, creating, and obsessively learning new things.

This was a game changer for me. I was pre med, and left for a number of reasons decades ago. I did not like what I was witnessing in the Western culture and the way it treated people and medicine. Wasn't a fan of the way it viewed women in particular.

I've always been an advocate for women and children for mental health and violence, and did a ton of research on PTSD, trauma, neuroplasticity, how trauma stays in the body and how we need to process it there, to get it out of our heads.

I developed a program to help people with PTSD, having dealt with this myself for over five decades. I worked with people and helped them find resources, and helped them find their voice. And I realized, women need a much stronger voice than they have.

In this culture that values and worships youth, it intrinsically damages women when they hit their late thirties. For some of us, it's not a big deal. For others, it's traumatic. I have heard from hundreds of women in their fifties and sixties that are saying I STILL EXIST.

And I want to help as many as I can find their voice, their passions, their dreams, whatever way that looks for them.

I started a TikTok called The Dopamine Diaries when I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 58. Holy Cats! What? You mean the way my brain works is not the same for everyone else? I discovered a whole world of other women in their 30's, 40's and 50's that were dealing with the exact same issues I was dealing with, and they were as confused and hurt, and feeling grief as much as I was. That was another game changer.

Click Me

As an artist, writer, creative thinker, strategic planner with an obsession with horror, writing, trauma, PTSD, crime, and being goofy, I finally found my voice, my tribe and my people.

Self care is fitting in and belonging, not hustling for a seat at the table. Self care is accepting the way you are, how you look, feel and think, and being freed from the 'shoulds" and 'have-to's', and finding a place for you, to be seen, heard and acknowledged.

That is where real change occurs. That is where vulnerability and acceptance for you as a person, regardless of size, ethnicity, culture, education, or money comes into play.

So, my loves, find your voice. Find your strength. Find your weird, and goofiness, and accept all the parts that make you, you. Once you accept all of you, the darkness, the weirdness, the attitude, the good days, and the horrid ones, that is where you will find your strength.